This I read in the Sunday Times (I know, but it came with a free Donnie Darko DVD...):
From "Mrs Mills solves all your problems":
I'm 15 years old and considering buying a black beret. Do you think it would be a good purchase, or would I just look silly?
Answer: Are you trying to sell onions from a bike? No? Forget it, then.
I beg to differ. May I respectfully point out that a black beret is only mandatory for selling garlic from a bike. When it comes to onions, I would recommend a straw hat (wide-brimmed).